A Small Glimpse into my Psyche

     If you know me, you probably have your own opinion about me.  And I could be biased, but I don't think of myself as a vain person. I do, however, believe that I am a very fit individual.  I ride my bike 6 days a week, and I go to the gym when my schedule allows.  I keep track of my dietary intake, and although I don't eat as well as Chris does, I do try to eat healthy the majority of the time.  Chocolate is my vice...

     I admit that I am, like most women, full of self-criticism.  As I've gotten older, I have become even more critical.  I have personality and behavioral flaws...I know.  But that is not why I'm writing this post.  I am 5'3".  Not particularly tall, but I am okay with that.  Right now, I fluctuate about 2-3 pounds over my racing weight and when I jump on the scale in the morning I will more than likely weigh in around 119 pounds.  I realize that I am not a heavy person.  Pro cyclists Katie Compton and Marianne Vos are both 5'6" and over 10 pounds heavier.  For my height I'm at a pretty decent racing weight.  Every morning I wake up, and before I eat breakfast, I weigh myself.  I look in the mirror and honestly, am not always happy with what I see.  But again, I am like most women in that regard.  I do know that my issue with myself is almost non-existent compared to some women.

     A few days ago, I read one of my fellow cyclist's posts on her blog.  I don't know this gal personally, but I do keep up with her on occasion.  I've never raced against her, that I can recall, but we did hit the road together at the W&M Tidewater Classic RR.  Yes, she beat me in the sprint.  She actually mentions in her post that she had the same issue that I did during the sprint (clear line on the right, until someone else decided to move over).  In which we all got blocked out.  She was able to get to the left, and get another kick in.  I was not.  That does not bother me.  I mentioned on my last post, that I like crits and LOVE cross.  That's what I train for.

     Why am I mentioning any of this???  I bring up her post because I am described as "stocky."  And that bothers me a bit.  It may not have been meant in a bad connotation, I understand that, but when you describe somebody in that manner, the first thought in most people's minds will be negative.  I realize that letting something that trivial bother me is ridiculous.  Yes, I do know the saying about sticks and stones.  Like I said, I don't really know her, and I've barely raced against her.  I know that she's been writing a blog for quite a while now, and I'm sure she gets quite a few people who consistently read it.  I am one of those people.  Great.  Keep writing and getting people interested in women's cycling.

     BUT.  There were only four of us in that field at the race, which makes it very obvious who she is referring to.  Especially since it was a local race, and there were only two of us from our team there.

     So if this doesn't bother me all that much in the scheme of things, why bring it up?  If a small, insignificant description such as "stocky" has bothered someone like myself, I can only imagine what it could do to somebody that has an even bigger issue.  Please do not misinterpret my intentions.  I am not mad about this and I am not deserving of pity.  I am not trying to start a "blog war," and I will survive.  Sticks and stones for me folks.  I only want to draw attention to the fact that we are all just sharing our experiences and we aren't really intentionally trying to offend anyone.  Women's cycling is constantly struggling and to publicly post something that may be misinterpreted so easily, could turn people off to the sport.  A small word could be a huge embarrassment for somebody, and cause them to shy away from the excitement and drama of racing.

     I just want everybody to think carefully about what they put on these public sites before posting.  Facebook, blogs, and Twitter, are all a direct representation of yourself.  If taken out of context, things can easily be blown out of proportion.

     Thanks for reading...